New Beginnings, Book One: The Wings of Dawn by Lady Calliope

Falling and Recovery

The forest was dead silent.

No birds, no beasts, no screams of animal or human origin were to be heard. Shining dully down upon the earth, the sun continued in its impassive trek across the sky, moving but unmoved. Not even the wind dared rustle the leaves around the precariously balanced scene unfolding beside the Bone Eater's well. It was simply a hanging, emotional quietude, like a thread pulled taught between two hands, ready to snap at any instant.

And the chances of that happening were very great, indeed.

It was one of those moments that, even though it lasted only a matter of minutes, was destined to change a life, or two, or three. Forever.

Sometimes, love can become so complicated and deep there is no turning back, no path leading into the past, to the way things used to be. Perhaps it was possible to love someone too much, after all.

~*~*~*~

She had known all along it would happen. But there weren't any earthquakes, nor any great alteration in the planets' alignment. Just shock, pain, love, and hate. Though she would have much preferred the earth-jarring phenomena instead. How long had she known it would all come down to this? Somehow, she felt she had known from the moment he had first called her Kikyo that eventually, despite all they would and had endured together, this moment was inevitable. But then, if she had known for so long, why, why did it hurt so badly?

A suppressed sound of sorrow escaped her lips. She must not cry, not now, not ever. Doing so would only be admitting to her defeat. She laughed bitterly at the thought. Defeat? The word made it sound like she was playing some sort of game. In a way, though, she supposed she was. However, she wasn't the one in control of the pieces.

He was, and always had been.

~*~*~*~

Looming in front of her like some oppressive shadow, the God Tree remained silent as she approached its base. This tree, this piece of bark and leaf...it was a constant reminder to her now of the past. Japan's past and her future. The wind blew quietly through the courtyard, briefly disturbing the leaves' positions and lending the tree an almost life-like appearance. It moved, dancing, to the sound of the breeze. A hollow and empty sound, it seemed. Unconsciously, her eyes sought out the blemished spot about halfway up the trunk's height. The spot where she had first seen him, met him, all those months ago, where he had been pinned to the great tree with an enchanted arrow. Gods, had it really only been months since she had been swept up in this whirlwind of adventure, danger, friendship, pain, and heartache? As she slowly lifted her gaze to the browned spot once again, tears began to fall unbidden from her tired eyes.

"Since when did I love him this much?"

Her only answer was the lonely sound of a bird in the distance. She cried harder, dropping to her knees and burying her face in her hands. Fifteen years...so young, yet so mature: full of love and life and now, full of sorrow as well. If Fate had indeed had a hand in the creation of cruelty, this must have been that same cruelty manifested. What greater pain was there than seeing the one she loved most, the only one she had ever loved, pledging his life and loyalty to another right in front of her? But she couldn't hate him, no matter how much she tried. Love was such a funny thing; you could love someone until the day you died, and no matter how that person had hurt you, you would never stop loving them. Ever.

Through her tears, she looked up at the tree once again. She could see his face, hear his voice, feel his touch all around her. It was like he was always with her, whether she wanted him to be or not. She realized there was really only one thing for her to do if she wanted to continue living and not simply continue to be alive. He had given up so much for her, saved her, comforted her, loved her in varying degrees and ways but always loving her. Suddenly, she understood why he had done what he had done, no matter how much it pained her to recall it. Once, long ago, he had loved Kikyo: she was the only one who treated him as an equal, the only one who was there to comfort him, shelter him, and love him. She had died before he could show her the same kind of affection. Just as he had done so much for her in the short time they had known each other, Kagome would do the same for him now.

She may not be what he wanted or needed, but she would never stop loving him. Just as he had never stopped loving her: the vulnerable, clumsy girl from the future. They may not be lovers, but she loved him too much to abandon him now.

Taking in one last deep breath, she rose from where she sat upon the hard, stone-covered earth, her resolve never wavering for an instant. Slowly, with shaking limbs, she pulled open the door to the well house, walked down the rotting steps, and swung one leg over the well's edge. She wiped the last remnants of her tears with her sleeve, and fixed a small smile upon her lips. She knew it was tainted with sadness. Shaking her head, she clutched the Shikon jewel around her neck and jumped, letting the tingling darkness envelope her.

~*~*~*~

She had seen it all.

Leaning back against the Goshinboku tree, he closed his eyes once again to keep the tears from coming. Out of all the possible times for her to be walking in the forest...It wasn't the fact that he had said those things to Kikyo, nor the fact that he had meant them with all his heart and soul. Kagome had seen the entire thing, and that's what was killing him.

It wouldn't have been as excruciating for either of them had he simply told her what he had promised the dead priestess that night. Yes, that would have been far less painful then and at that moment. But Chance never plays fair; she had seen them together, whispering, him embracing Kikyo the way he had wanted to embrace Kagome for so long. She saw him bestow upon her the same look he had been casting at Kagome for the past few months: a look of love and longing and sadness. He had loved Kikyo more than he thought was possible for a demon to love a human, more than was possible for a man to love a woman. She was the calming force in his life, that center of peace and comfort and home that he had been missing for so long. Then, after his mind finally realized what his heart had known since the day he had met the mysterious miko, his whole world had ended. She betrayed him and sealed him upon the God Tree with her most powerful arrow; but, in the last few moments his eyes could clearly see hers, he found a look of great pain and love mixed in with all the hate and spite. She had promised to keep the jewel safe, and died that very same day. His heart had died that day along with her.

But that last look, that last glance she spared him before he was sealed, left him with the smallest sliver of something he continued to cling to this day: Hope.

Perhaps, oh gods perhaps, she still loved him, and even if it was in the most miniscule amount, the thought that she might possibly still feel for him what he had buried inside long ago was enough to make him gladly walk through Hell to be with her.

Kagome...

His eyes flew open. Kagome. The girl who had freed him, trusted him from the moment he had opened his eyes, shown him what true happiness could be, formed a family from some of the world's loneliest people...loved him. He knew that it was true, that she did indeed love him as he had once loved Kikyo. There was no denying that now, even if she never said it aloud. And, somewhere deep in his heart, he knew he loved her, too. He had been given a second chance by the very forces that had caused him to lose his first one. It had been so wonderful, so comfortable and warm, to know that there would always be someone close by, loving him every minute of every day even if she didn't know it herself. That love, that security, was what had pulled him through countless insurmountable odds. Kagome had always been there for him, even when he knew he didn't deserve it in the least. And he knew that he, too, had loved her all along. But then, Kikyo came back...

Your first love will never truly leave your heart; there will always be a warm affection for that person that you will hold for the rest of your life. Your first love is impossible to forget.

Kagome, can you possibly understand? Can I even ask you to try...?

A second chance had been presented to him, and then the first one was given back as well. He loved Kagome, but just how much? Kikyo...Kikyo had given her heart, soul, and life to him, but she died before he could ever do the same for her. But that small flicker of hope had remained, and when she returned to him, that small ember had been fanned into a tiny flame. The chance that he had been waiting for, for over fifty years was finally given to him, and that small flame would not be put out. At the same time, though, he did not want to lose that constant source of love that he had grown so attached to over these past few months. The path he had chosen to follow for Kikyo would be hard and lonely, and with Kagome he never felt alone...Baka! How can you even consider asking Kagome to do that? You can't ask her to just sit around and watch you fall in love with another woman all over again...

Sighing heavily, he slowly pulled himself up from underneath the tree. He knew what he had to do, but it would be the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life. The pain...it was like losing Kikyo all over again. But somehow, this hurt much worse...

Kagome...I love you and I always will. But I can't love two people at the same time, and I know better than anyone that a human heart can only take so much before it breaks.

~*~*~*~

The cool, gentle breeze felt soothing against her hot neck, the sun beating down relentlessly from overhead. She was sitting on the edge of the Bone Eater's well, and had been for the past half an hour, but she couldn't bring herself to leave it, to find him. Her mind screamed in opposition to what she was doing, but her heart wouldn't let her do otherwise. Tears threatened to spill at any moment, but she closed her eyes and breathed deeply. There was no turning back now.

"Kagome..."

She slowly turned her head toward the whispered sound, her heart's frantic pace calming as her gaze locked with his. He was here. All of the things she had planned to say flew from her mind, leaving her with an empty mind and an overflowing heart. His mouth opened and closed several times as if he was trying to form the right words. But she had always been the more quick-witted one.

"I did some thinking while I was on the other side," she began quietly, her voice never wavering once. "I thought about you, Kikyo, and I. And...and I think I understand something now. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't hate either one of you, because I share the exact same feeling. But there is one thing that I alone share with Kikyo: I wanted to see you again. That's what it all came down to. But I can't compete with Kikyo, and I don't want to. My heart is my own."

How am I supposed to respond to that, Kagome? he cried silently.

Pausing for a moment, she turned her gaze away from him and slowly stood, her eyes observing the scene but not seeing. She turned to face him once again, and stopped, sighing ever so slightly. "But...if you could, please answer me this one thing," she asked softly. "Would you let me stay with you?"

If I can't love you the way you need to be loved, I'll at least continue to love you in my own way, she thought, smiling sadly.

At that moment, the breeze that had been blowing quietly through the clearing the entire time began to die down. The sounds of all the birds and animals ceased in their onslaught. Time seemed to stop just for them, for this one painful, loving moment. He knew the answer even before she had finished asking the question.

"Would you stay with me?" he whispered, wondering, but it was more than enough. Who are you, Kagome, that you can love so much even when the person you love is the one hurting you the most? How can you even stand to be near me? I...I don't deserve you, you know...

She smiled again, not widely but not sadly, either, and slowly made her way towards him until she was close enough to touch him. His quiet question needed no answer, and they both knew that. Suddenly, she grabbed his hand and looked up at him. "Well, let's go, Inuyasha," she commanded gently, never once faltering in voice or action. Things had changed, and she knew they would continue to change, but she didn't care. He looked down at her questioningly, but when their eyes met, a small smile lit across both of their faces. A smile of understanding and compassion. He closed his fingers around her petite hand, and the two walked back towards the village in silence. Together.

I may not be the one you love right now, Inuyasha, but as long as I can be near you and provide you with the comfort and friendship you need, that's enough for me. As long as I can stand by you, loving you, everything else doesn't matter. I will never leave your side again, she vowed. I want to see you smile. I want to see you happy.

And somehow, she knew that he wanted the same for her as well.

That's why you chose her, isn't it? You knew I could never be happy with you as long as she still held a piece of your heart, she thought silently.

She turned to glance at him again, and found him staring at her as well. The same smile was still present on both of their faces. And the wind seemed to carry the words that each of them was thinking far off into the expanses of the Western Lands.